![]() It’s one of the single greatest sources of intense frustration in my relatively long life. That’s not just because of PDA, but my neural wiring and inability to process. I have the common Aspie dichotomy between objective and subjective relevance… I can give excellent, incisive advice to OTHER people - including family - personally and professionally, but struggle to be able to apply it to myself. So I really do understand their resentment regarding loss of personal control - even when they’re incapable of articulating the source of their frustration. My breathing stops 80 or more times an hour and, in winter, it’s not uncommon for me to wake up in the morning with a mouth half-full of semi-congealed blood from ruptured nasal/throat tissue - or just 1-5 times if I use my CPAP machine. My situation is not helped by the fact that I have severe sleep apnea - and hate having to use a CPAP machine, which I can ignore for weeks and months at a time. I typically wake around 3:00 am (but can wake any time from 11:30 pm to 5:00 am - and then crash several times during the day. At 74, I still fight sleep until I drop through exhaustion. It affects every aspect of my life and it stresses me, often unconsciously.Īs a toddler I had to be sedated to put me to sleep. I get how absurd it all sounds… but I still have to deal with it constantly, every day. I find that I fluctuate between these levels of perceived loss of autonomy. I prefer the terms Pervasive Desire for Autonomy (for milder instances) and PERNICIOUS DEMAND FOR AUTONOMY (for more severe instances). This is why I find the name Pathological Demand Avoidance misleading. ![]() I will defiantly (yes, I mean defiantly, not definitely) resist these natural imperatives until the last possible moment, on sheer principle. I am constantly outraged and frustrated by the feeling of not being in control of myself or my situation.Įven the law of gravity irks me because I have no choice but to comply. ![]() (Yes, I have PDA - Pathological Demand Avoidance.) I resent the need for eating, for going to the toilet, wearing a seatbelt, etc… simply because they’re forced upon me by nature or the law. I have always resisted the notion of “having” to sleep.
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